And She Snaps (and Snips)

When did I become a joke? I mean, I’m just askin’. did I become the source of family entertainment? This mixed-blended-multi-surnamed-upside-down family’s skull-juggling Yorick? I just, and here I mean just–like, 10 minutes ago–entirely snapped (a full-fledged eye-bulging throat-vein-pumping melt down) at my entire family, including my 21-year old brother-in-law, and ever one, EVERYONE, laughed. … Continue reading

I Love a Good Reprobate

I love trouble. No. Let me rephrase: I love causing trouble. I hate being in trouble, dealing with trouble, or sorting out kids in trouble. But, alas, as is inevitably the case, my trouble-lovin’ is catching up with me. I’ve just been roundly scolded, by one of my kids, for something I wrote**. Something racy, … Continue reading

Barbies and Boogers

I’m up to my boobs in Barbie’s and boogers. I thought I’d gotten through the worst, most exhausting part of parenting (and if such a magical place existed it would be populated with rainbow unicorns and tinklingly sweet apple juice rivers) but, alas, I hoped in vain. No such luck. I am mired in demanding, … Continue reading

Dear Sirs/Madams,

March 17th, 2011 Dear Sirs/Madams, While I fully appreciate the great distinctions you have bestowed upon me in these last 23 years of life-consuming and life-altering employment, I would like to officially tender my resignation from the positions of: Chief Decision-Maker (CDM), Chief Lunch-Packer (CLP), Chief Cheerleader (CC), Chief Getter-Upper-In-The-Nighter (CGUITN), and finally, but not … Continue reading

What You Get is What You Get

“What you get is what you get. What you do with what you get is what’s important.” I just heard this statement as I stood at the stove making my umpteenth box of macaroni, for the umpteenth time, in my umpteenth year as a parent. I don’t know why now, why today, or why this … Continue reading

What’s Bred in the Bone

What separates me from other parents? What makes me unique, special, individual, memorable to my children? If I die, Heaven forbid, what part of me will be left in my children’s memories and hearts? I know what I hope it will be–my tenderness, my thoughtfulness, my joyousness, my epic love for them.  In reality, it’ll … Continue reading

The Morning After

It’s the morning after and the hangovers are palpable. Twitchy, tired and headachey, mung-mouthy kids wandering around in a daze, snapping at me while not-so-subtlety squirrelling away their next fix. It’s November 1st. The morning after the night before and my house, always untidy (see previous post) is liberally sprinkled in candy wrappers, chip bags, … Continue reading

Our Lady of Perpetual Mess

I am, I freely admit, a disastrous housekeeper. My house is a shambles. Which causes no end of anxiety for me. I mean, my house is such a disaster, I sincerely fear play dates. Not because I know that nicely turned-out parents in their tidy vehicles will arrive at our door to pick up their … Continue reading